I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
