woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
