Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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