I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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