she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
