Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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