Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
