I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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