come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
