i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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