He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
