I think i peed on brittanys purse
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
