I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
