The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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