Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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