I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
