do herpes really smell.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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