Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
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Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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