My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
