Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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