If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
