Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
