Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
