I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
