I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
they're like a gay fantastic four
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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