i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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