I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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