now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
