Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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