HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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