A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
