so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
