If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
