I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
