i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
