he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
