best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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