this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
