How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
