I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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