It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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