i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
