he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize