do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Boobs speak an international language.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
