There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
