Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
