There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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