I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
