My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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