Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
