slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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