ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
