you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
