i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he fucked my hip out of place.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
