this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
