At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
farters have to be the big spoon...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
