either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
