He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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