Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
