I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
