if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
