do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize