i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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