I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
