just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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