i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
