I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
