Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
